أنت جميلة إلى الأبد

boundaries

by Dr Henry Cloud and Dr John Townsend

teaching me all the things which I care not to know, want not to know and pretend not to know

which I dare not implement

for fear that my tiny world might collapse and I'll spend a g e s

picking up the pieces.. . 

when I could have been having some wine & chocolate

from the book:
page 131
The law of exposure.
A boundary is a property line. It defines where you begin and end.

We have been discussing why you need such a line. One reason stands above all others: you do not exist in a vacuum. You exist in relation to God and to others.
The whole concept of boundaries has to do with the fact that we exist in relationship and hence boundaries are about love.
♥
The law of exposure says that your boundaries need to be made visible to others and communicated to them in relationship. We have many boundary problems because of relational fears. We are beset by fears of guilt, not being liked, loss of love, loss of connection, loss of approval, receiving anger, being known and so on. These are all failures in love and God's plan is that we learn how to love.

These relational problems can only be solved in relationships, for that is the context of the problems themselves and the context of spiritual existence.

Because of these fears,
we try to have secret boundaries.
We withdraw passively and quietly, instead of communicating an honest "no" to someone we love.

♥
We secretly resent instead of telling someone that we are angry about how they have hurt us. Often we will privately endure the pain of someone's irresponsibility instead of telling them how their behaviour affects us and other loved ones."


♥